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18 February 2020

Dead Birds Rain in Arkansas, 2011 Dooms Day?

It's raining dead birds. Hallelujah.Let scientists rationalize all they like. Biblical scholars and anyone caught in a hail of red-winged blackbirds over the holidays will tell you what we're really dealing with here. 

It's Armageddon time. How else to explain more than 1,000 turtle doves pelting the northern Italian town of Faenza last week? Or the two million fish corpses that washed up on the shores of Chesapeake Bay?  Since we rang in the New Year, it's been one plague after another. In Beebe, Arkansas, it rained some 3,000 red-winged blackbirds. A flash flood of around 500 starlings and blackbirds thumped down on a patch of Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The devil's been busy too. This week, some 40,000 devil crabs littered the shores of Britain's Kent Coast. All of the above, very much dead.

The Arkansas case is especially telling. The blackbirds appear to have died from blunt force trauma. Of course, scientists are quick to point out that it could have been the result of a collision with a man-made object – especially if the birds were suddenly startled by fireworks. On New Year's Eve? A likely story indeed.

 It's far too obvious that they were smitten by the invisible hand of God. Likewise, marine biologists are trying to spin the devil crab story into something unsatisfyingly secular. "We suspect that climate change and warmer weather has lured the crabs towards the shoreline," coastal warden Tony Sykes told the Daily Mail. Oh, so it's our fault? Right. The scientific cover-up in Italy is even more crass. Wildlife experts are suggesting those 400 birds may have perished from eating the wrong kind of seed. Apparently, man's meddling has created a food shortage for the creatures, forcing them to try a fatal alternative. Again, our fault. In fact, every case is accompanied by a chorus of scientists singing the same refrain – we're poisoning our environment. If it's truly the end, they preach, then it's a man-made apocalypse. Some experts are even trying to persuade us that this sort of thing happens often. American ornithologist Kevin McGowan told the Washington Post that an entire flock of birds can drop dead over a cornfield every day. We wouldn't notice it because the bodies are quickly gobbled down by foxes and other scavengers."All birds die," he continued. "You rarely see them for several reasons. They're usually alone. They're often eaten by the thing that killed them, or they go to some sheltered place to die. You rarely see dead birds until they whack into your window." The scientific community – ever the bane of doomsday fetishists – are at it again, trying to keep people rational and sane. Tell that to the Arkansas farmer who stepped out onto his porch on New Year's morning – only to get pinged by a dead bird. And then another.  There are no atheists in a dead-bird deluge. Bible enthusiasts will know that God has a history of using wildlife to send a message. When God was trying to make a point to an ancient Egyptian Pharoah, as reported in the Bible, countless frogs were summoned to the kingdom – and abruptly killed en masse. Divine wrath is a far more likely explanation than any of that blather about global warming, tainted food chains and irresponsible human expansion. All right, maybe there's just one loose end to the apocalypse theory. Why 2011? Say what you will about his methods, God has been a decent landlord. He always gives notice.  Take the year 1,000 for example. The number has been mentioned far too many times in the bible for it not to herald our destruction – the 1,000-year reign of Christ, Satan being locked up for the same term and ummm... on a few other occasions that I can't quite recollect immediately.  All right, maybe it was only mentioned once – in Revelation 20, 1:10.  Still, people were excited enough about the millennial year to give their worldly goods away, donate fortunes to the poor and even release hardened criminals from prison. Well, the end turned out to be not exactly nigh. The year 1,000 was marked only by a hell of a hangover as people woke up broke and unredeemed with criminals running riot. In 1999, people were also fairly sure that they read something somewhere in the bible about the world coming to an end. This time around, a jaded society realized that they were probably a tad too far gone for the Jesus train. Instead of trying to earn their way to redemption, they dug holes in their backyards and filled them with beef jerky, hoping to ride out hell on earth. Continue Reading